Saying goodbye to 2021
The year of the good, the grief and the ugly
Here we are with 2022 upon us. 2021 was an emotionally tough year, but I saw God work, I felt deep grief and deep joy, I traveled a few places and learned some lessons, both good and ugly.
If you were along for the ride of 2020, then I’m sure you know my grandpa’s case went to court. We can just cut to that right now because the first six months, not a ton of stuff happened worth going back on…
On June 18th, I sat in a courtroom with the girl who ended my grandpa’s life. I read the verse Isaiah 61:3 before court and went in with a soft heart. I have never prayed so hard and so much before in my life before June 18th. After we read our victim impact statements, she was allowed to address us. I learned the day before the accident her grandpa died, and the day of the accident it was her first day at her new job. My heart broke for her, I asked the family attorney if I could hug her. My heart not only ached for the loss of my grandpa, but also for the trauma that she was processing. I felt like the whole time in the courtroom, God was moving and working in the courtroom. He was present and after the trial, the attorneys met, and she agreed to meet with me and my family. I wrapped my arms around her and cried with her. We shared stories of our grandpas and she asked to keep a photo of my grandpa. Before we parted ways, I asked her if I could pray over her and with her. My entire family joined in, and it was one of the most emotionally and spiritually powerful things I have ever experienced. I experienced forgiveness and love and felt the hurt and anger literally leave my body.
I saw God turn ashes into beauty.
After an entire year of the most painful grief I had ever felt, Jordan finally caved into letting me get my dream dog. I found a breeder and on July 13th, my beautiful solid black German Shepherd was born. I counted down the days until September 12th when Jordan and I would be bringing “Wednesday” home from the breeders and how a fun and exciting new life would begin for us. On September 11th, that puppy died. I could not bear the absolute grief of losing my dream puppy that was supposed to help me get over the loss and grief of losing my grandpa. I was devastated. I worked so hard for this puppy and was ready to watch her grow into the best dog. God, however, had other plans.
Like always, God was working in the background, on May 28th, 2021 (ironically just a day after my grandpa’s birthday) an absolutely beautiful bicolor German Shepherd was born, clear across the world. Jordan and I were so upset that our home wasn’t going to have a puppy in it to fill it with joy, so I reached out to another breeder, and she showed me a picture of this puppy… As soon as Jordan saw her, he said that’s our girl. On September 30th, Jordan drove to Detroit to pick up our beautiful girl. She travelled all the way from Slovakia to be a part of our family.
You know, God has such a wild way of working and showing up and showing you what is best for you, despite us often thinking we know what’s best for us. In 2019, I was diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, a diagnosis I did not take lightly or really even care to talk about or share, and y’all know how open I am with that stuff. I felt like on the scale, it wasn’t truly THAT bad for me and that I was doing just fine. Well, insert a puppy into that and its all-absolute chaos. I had such a hard time adjusting to life with Reese that I couldn’t stop having episodes. I couldn’t stop having intrusive thoughts and I just couldn’t stop. I couldn’t do anything except sleep. I had made myself physically sick because I couldn’t stop worrying that she was going to die too. We had been in and out of the vet’s office, Reese was healthy. She is a happy, sweet and well-behaved puppy. Fast forward three months, and I could not imagine my life without her. I think God knew that maybe I wouldn’t be able to handle a 10-week-old puppy, but maybe a 17-week-old, crate and potty-trained puppy was something I could handle. I love Reese, and I could never dream of our life without her. I could not have asked for a better puppy as my first puppy and now I am READY for that 10-week-old psycho puppy someday. I am over the fear of losing Reese and we have truly been enjoying life together and training together. Somedays, I get frustrated with her because she IS a puppy, but at the end of every single day, she chooses to lay next to me on the couch and snuggle up to me. I literally love her so much.
I’ve thought a lot about what I want to do in 2022, and all the places I would like to visit. I am hoping to make it to Florida, Denver and Arizona to see one of my sweetest friends get married. I’ve made so many great friends online in 2021, that I hope to meet so many of them in person in 2022. Some in Michigan, some in Virginia and even one who lives in Alaska, she actually has a littermate to my puppy that died, and wow, what a blessing that friendship has been to me. The dog world has showed me a lot of brutality as well as some really incredibly helpful people. I was so heartbroken and still so angry so many months of 2021, that I forgot to live by my word of 2021, which was INTENTIONAL.
So, for 2022, my word is being recycled and I promise to live every single day and do everything with intention. I want to live a life like my grandpa did and there are only two ways to do that.
1. Be intentional with my faith and with Jesus
2. Be intentional with love and actions
I am also going to recycle my two verses from 2021 as Hebrews 13:2 “Don’t forget to entertain strangers, for some who have done this, have entertained angels without realizing it” and Ephesians 4:32 “be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.”
I hope all my friends have a safe and happy new year and crush their goals for 2022. Some of my own personal goals are to learn IGP ropes with Reese and get her evaluated, and to DEFINITELY look into Dock Diving with her. I also hope to do better with myself and boundaries and to live as authentically as possible, to try more fun stuff and be a little braver.
Love and Light,
D
Pictures of Drizella “Wednesday” Vom Wolfsgeist and pictures of Jolly “Reese” Midollyk